Why aren’t you able to do what other kids can do?
Not only parents, but also professionals tend to compare children with each other. This already starts before a baby even is born, “Why do I not gain weight? My Baby does not move so much like the one of my friend.”
It goes ahead after giving birth, “Your child is bigger than mine!” “Look, the other boy/girl can do this already … why don’t you also try?”
And this process does not stop. On the opposite … when a child starts to participate in daycare or pre-school it even gets worse. Now the child is measures, compared and assessed. Even educators and teachers may follow this approach using statements like, “look, how beautifully this boy/girl is doing this. I know you can do better.” This and many other sentences children hear during their process of growing up. Besides that, development tables are used to categorize children’s abilities and faculties. When they finally come to school – grades will bring into written examination who is the best and who the worse in a class.
Have we ever thought about, what this is doing with kids? Or shall we better say, “What is this approach doing to the human part inside of the object we are observing?” Sometimes the impression comes up, that children are objects which need to be shaped and fitted into a structure.
This behavior creates winners and losers, because the children are conditioned towards competition. Can you imagine! Today children are competing at the age of three. Therefore, the concept of competition is no longer on the professional level. For those children growing up in such an environment competition becomes personal. While we create a surrounding of competition and hard work around children, we also want them to develop social skills and self-esteem. Even a lay person may by now understand, why this is cannot take place.
What may such a system do to our children?
- Children stop seeing themselves as something priceless. But as we all know … there is always only one winner. They receive the impression that they are not alright. Feeling of not being worthy start to take over.
- Also, by observing adults the children receive the impression that low respect towards everything and anything, that is not modern, new or The Best – is simply not worth paying attention to. And children follow by example.
- Bullying starts earlier than ever. Now even in the first years of elementary school children are massively bullied and thereby psychologically damaged. The understanding about kindness and love is in many cases not present. This is due their constantly observing the opposite around them.
How does the TLI-Pedagogics face this points:
There are many ways to focus on these factors in the TLI Pedagogics Today, I like to collaborate on the necessity of parents-involvement:
- In a TLI-group* the involvement of parents is very important. The importance lies in the fact, that only with the assistance and educational partnership of parents – the TLI system can bring out its utmost best in the child.
- Therefore, we do not recommend parents, who are not willing to change their approaches not to place their child in a TLI-group.
- Parents are meeting approximately every 4-6 weeks. This meetings are used to discuss educational topics and bring more understanding on the perception “what is a child” to the parents. Together they collaborate and discuss and find solutions.
- All TLI parents should participate in a TLI-Basic course when they decide to put their child in a TLI-group*.
More information is coming soon in the next Blog texts.
Connect to you soon again
Marion E. Hopfgartner
* using the word group refers to a daycare, kindergarten or toddler playground, a pre-school or an elementary school. As of today, the TLI Pedagogics are developed for children in the age from 1 to 12 years.